I have this problem where I get interested in way too many things. Not just casual interest either. I will find something, read about it for a couple of hours, and suddenly I’m imagining myself getting really good at it. It could be literally anything: electronics, finance, fitness, writing, whatever. You name it, I got it.
For a little while I’m fully convinced that this is something I should really pursue, and honestly, I love that feeling. The beginning of something is always fun. You don’t know enough yet to know how hard it is, and you probably haven’t hit the boring and mundane part of that work. Or you haven’t failed enough times to question whether you are actually good at it or not. At that stage everything is just about dreaming, and I think I’m addicted to that part.
Dreaming is very comfortable
There is a strange comfort in knowing that you could become good at something, or it could be blind belief. As long as you haven’t really tried, the possibility is still there. You could be great at math, you could get extremely fit, or build some crazy product. You could do it all. The future version of you is basically unlimited. But the problem is that the real version of you only has 24 hours in a day and limited glucose in your body to keep your mind running. At some point you have to make a decision and pick something, and be bad at it enough times to actually get better at it (heard it from successful people, so believing it for now, might change my mind later lol). That part is not nearly as exciting.
Starting feels like progress
This is something I have noticed about myself. Starting things gives me a weird sense of achievement. Buying that book or subscription or that DJ controller (based on true events :P), making that plan, setting up that repo, even just researching about that feels like I’m going to do something productive. Sometimes it actually is, but most of the time I confuse it with progress. There is a huge difference between “I will do this” and “I did this for 500 hours.” The first one is easy to say, but the second one is hard to achieve.
Is curiosity the problem?
I do not think so. The lack of commitment definitely is. “Stop getting distracted.” “Pick one thing.” “FOCUS.” I don’t really like these words. I like asking questions that have nothing to do with whatever I’m currently supposed to be doing. I don’t want to become the person who only knows things that are useful for his job. Honestly that sounds boring. So the answer definitely is not to stop or reduce curiosity. Maybe the goal is learning when curiosity is helping me and when I am using it to escape. Because there is definitely a point in learning anything where it stops being new. And I am starting to think that point matters a lot.
The boring middle
The beginning is easy, it’s like the honeymoon phase of the project, but the middle part actually sucks. You are no longer a complete beginner, so you don’t get the dopamine of discovering new things, but at that point you are nowhere close to mastery either. (I know, the bell curve meme is actually that deep.)
Plans are dangerous too
I love plans. I can make an incredible plan. Seriously, give me a problem and I can probably create a whole system around solving it. Schedules, milestones, folders, tools, motivational quotes, everything, you name it, I got. Then two weeks later there is a decent chance that I’m making a newer and better plan. I am starting to think planning gives me some of the same dopamine as actually accomplishing the thing. Execution is different. Execution immediately exposes all the assumptions that were wrong in the plan. Maybe the solution is not better planning. Maybe sometimes you just need to keep doing the boring thing you already decided to do. I don’t know yet, but I intend to figure that out.
The finish line?
Not there yet, we’ll see what it looks like later. Got my fair share of dopamine hits while writing this, and seven different ideas. But I would like to focus on one thing right now. I still want to learn everything, and honestly I hope that never completely goes away. But I do want to get better at leaving evidence behind. Finished projects. Finished courses. Things I actually understand. Things I wrote. Things I built. Not just a giant collection of things I was once excited about. I don’t want to stop having dreams. I just don’t want dreams to become the thing I am most proud of.